My Bottomless Purse

I was putting my lunch, which was a thermos full of milk, an apple and a banana, in my purse.

Dave: I wish you bowled.
Me: Why?
Dave: So you could put your bowling ball in your purse.

Later, I had my iPod on shuffle, and it played Kanye West's Stronger and then, right after that, Daft Punk's Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.

Me: FML, Dave. This is probably the coolest thing that happens to me today. Oh, shit. I forgot to put on deodorant, I think.
Dave: That's the worst!
Jen: I have a stick in my desk drawer, so I should be OK. It's just so awkward trying to put that on at my desk.
Dave: Put it in your purse and go to the bathroom the bathroom or something.
Jen: But there's no room in my purse!
Dave: There will be when you take that watermelon out!

The Real Reason

Me, complaining to Rolene about Dave: ...so he chose the last three movies and fell asleep during each one. It wasn't as if I had chosen the movies and he found them boring! I have actually downloaded two movies and he hasn't shown any interest in watching them.Well, maybe it's because they are both about Hitler...

Bluetooth

Dave and I were driving to work this morning when I noticed this in the driver's side window.

"Look Dave, Apple makes cars now."
"Buddy got that there in case you drives up alongside him and you wants to give him your number. Or marry him."

Ryan Snodden

So w're listening to Radio Noon at dinner (because of the time difference) and Ryan Snodden comes on to do the weather. He's mentioning minus 23 and minus 43 and blowing winds and it's just awful.

Jen: The temperatures there are the same as here, only negative.
Dave: Yeah, Ryan! Don't be so negative!

If Only

Dave and I are watching Breaking Bad and the wife goes on reverse lookup and finds out that this guy, Jesse Pinkman, had just called her husband, pretending to be from the phone company. She quickly finds his myshout page.

www.myshout.us/cpn_cook

She scrolls down and says "'MILF's.' The hell is a MILF?"

I notice the EDUCATION  section and say to Dave, "Hey, Michelle* went to school there!"

Dave turns to me and asks "MILF College?"






*name changed to protect Dave

Lost In Translation

Me (singing): ♫ Savez-vous planter les choux? À la mode? À la mode? Savez-vous planter les choux à la mode de chez nous? ♫
Dave: That song doesn't make any sense!
Me: It's stupid; sure.
Dave: No, it doesn't make any sense. Translate it.
Me: OK. "Do you know how to plant cabbages they way we do it around here."
Dave: À la mode?
Me: The way.
Dave: No, Jen. With ice cream.

Clock Radio

Me: Dave, look! It's 9:47 and we are listening to 94.7. Cool, hey?
Dave: Oh, man, we are SO lucky.

Mail Bonding

Dave: When I came to bed last night I knew something didn't feel quite right. There was a whole pile of mail in the bed.

(pronounced [kuβa])

Me: Mom and I are going to go to the Alex Cuba concert on Thursday.
Dave: Alex Cuba? School's Out Fo' Summa?

Lasik

Jen:    I wonder how they figured out they could do lasik eye surgery. Do you think they tested it on someone who was practically blind and had nothing to lose?
Dave: I guess they tested it on rats.
Jen:    How did they know the rats were near-sighted?
Dave: I guess they were always bumping into stuff.
Jen:    I would not want to do eye surgery on a rat.
Dave: I would not want to be a rat.

No Doubt Whatsoever

Peter: ...he looks like Beck.
Jen: I got Devil's Haircut on my running play list.
Sarah: Too bad he's a Scientologist.
Jen: I didn't know that.
Dave: Jerry Seinfeld is also Scientologist.
Jen: Is he?
Sarah: I thought he was Jewish.
Dave: Oh, wait. Maybe.
Sarah: I always thought he was Jewish.
Dave: Yeah...no, you're right. There's no doubt...I don't think.

Snipe

Dad hasn't e-mailed me or tried to use Skype to call me since he got back from Alberta, and I wonder if he even remembers how to use the laptop. He calls me, saying the computer is shagged up and "that damn Firefox is back again!" He signed up for what he calls Snipe, but he's only successfully called me with it once.

When Dave and I got up, Mom is still in bed, so we had some quiet time where we just sat on the couch with our laptops, like we always did before Mom came to visit. Sarah had asked me to send a text when I got up but my phone was dead so I decided to try to chat with Peter on Skype.

I thought I was talking to my brother. Please take special note of the line "and dave is here too," written by Dave.

U2's On First?

Dave: U2 is going to do a live concert on YouTube.
Jen: Where to?
Dave: No, U2.
Jen: But where to?
Dave: YouTube.
Jen: Where to?

www.breadmanianperry.com

Dave woke up from a nap, turns to me and says "It was the guy from Journey."
"What?"
"You said 'I have a bad feeling.You know Ian Perry?' That was the name of the old singer from Journey."
"Steve Perry."
"In the dream it was Ian. Anyway, then you said 'He's Breadman Ian Perry now.' Then I said 'Yeah, I kinda think I knew that.'"

Must Be Funny

So Dave and I are driving home from work, listening to Radio 2 from Abu Dhabi.

RJ: ...and you can win dinner for two at Wafi City's Mahi Mahi!

Dave and me, in unison:  Mahi! Mahi!

(uncomfortable silence)

Faux Francais

QBS Radio has been the bane of my existance until now. QBS does not have a proper website so I will explain here that 30% of daily programming is in French. That has made for some fun times in the car on the way home from work. I have taken some notes of things that Dave has said in response to the French RJ:

C'est un marrionade.

Ce n'est pas un cheval; c'est un soixante!

and my favourite:

C'est un "onh onh!" c'est un "eeee eeee!"

I Did Mention It, But

10:24 AMMufxrd, Jennifer
what is it
tell me what it is
10:24 AMMugfxrd, David

10:24 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
you have to discuss major purchases with your wife
10:25 AMMugfxrd, David
?
10:25 AMMugfxrd, David
Sigh
ok
There's a phone
i kind of won an auction on ebay

10:38 AMMugfxrd, David
I love you, though
10:38 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
and we need to have a talk about this
10:39 AMMugfxrd, David
ok
10:39 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
because you can't just buy whatever you want
10:39 AMMugfxrd, David
you're right
10:39 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
and then say "I love you"
10:39 AMMugfxrd, David
but I do
10:39 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
you need to discuss big purchases with me
10:39 AMMugfxrd, David
i mentioned it last night
10:40 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
no we did not mention anything about phones last night
we weren't even looking at phones or anything
you *have* a phone
10:40 AMMugfxrd, David
I did, but in all honesty, i knew you didn't hear it
10:40 AMMugfxrd, David
because you were asleep

Dreams

Dave slept on the couch last night. When he woke up I already downstairs in my pajamas on the computer.

"I had a weird dream," he said. "This chicken leg just showed UP!"