Poppycock

Jen: I finally outsmarted my poppy this year. I took this vest off, then turned it right-side out and put it back and on the goddamn poppy never fell off.
Dave: Yeah, fuck you, Remembrance Day!

U2's On First?

Dave: U2 is going to do a live concert on YouTube.
Jen: Where to?
Dave: No, U2.
Jen: But where to?
Dave: YouTube.
Jen: Where to?

www.breadmanianperry.com

Dave woke up from a nap, turns to me and says "It was the guy from Journey."
"What?"
"You said 'I have a bad feeling.You know Ian Perry?' That was the name of the old singer from Journey."
"Steve Perry."
"In the dream it was Ian. Anyway, then you said 'He's Breadman Ian Perry now.' Then I said 'Yeah, I kinda think I knew that.'"

"he that hath no beard is less than a man" (the Baird on the Beard)

I dreamed I had a beard. Someone mentioned to me, "your beard is getting pretty shaggy." And I looked at it in the mirror and I started to think, "Girls aren't supposed to have beards; oh, this is not good."

Must Be Funny

So Dave and I are driving home from work, listening to Radio 2 from Abu Dhabi.

RJ: ...and you can win dinner for two at Wafi City's Mahi Mahi!

Dave and me, in unison:  Mahi! Mahi!

(uncomfortable silence)

Save A Horse, Ride A Mountie

I am watching The Perfect Storm.  The b'ys just got into a fist fight on deck and George Clooney comes out and yells that they should break it up before "the Newfies will throw you both in jail!"

Right, because the Newfies have a reputation for their no-nonsense approach to brawling and general rowdiness?

Oh Crap Dave's Parents Joined Facebook

The Funniest Word Award Goes To...

woolly.

Literally?

If you are 16 and you're still pissing your pants, nobody wants to stand next to you at the Wolfmother concert. It's 18+ because of you, buddy. 

Ramadanadingdong

So it's Ramadan, which I like, however in Qatar we are not allowed to eat or drink in public:

Adults found eating or drinking in public between dawn and dusk (the fasting time) during the holy month can be taken to task, said [lawyer] Mohsin Thiyab Al Suwaidi. The act attracts up to three months of imprisonment or a fine of up to QR3,000 or both under Article 267 of Qatar’s criminal code.

Dave and I have both fasted this Ramadan, although it is definitely not required of non-Muslims, and a few people have looked as us as though we were crazy (we are) when we told them we were fasting.

I am not fasting today, as it happens, and I think it's just ridiculous that I have to stand in the tiny department kitchen to enjoy a midday cup of tea and bagel.

All week I have been taking bagels from the cinnamon raisin bagel bag in the freezer. I had assumed they were cinnamon raisin bagels, but they were not. I guess I consolidated two bags at some point. On Sunday I brought cream cheese to go with my cinnamon raisin bagel, which was actually a plain bagel, so I craved cheese. On Monday I brought jalapeno jelly, but I ended up feeling like Paddington Bear all afternoon, despite my best efforts not to get my hands sticky. Today I remembered that the cinnamon raisin bagels were actually plain bagels so brought a jar of Cheez Whiz.

But I guess I still had some cinnamon raisin bagels left. Who says you can't put Cheez Whiz on cinnamon raisin bagels?

It tasted like Indian food, but I can't tell you why.

No Vel?

I'm going to do NaNoWriMo and I have Chris Baty's book No Plot? No Problem! but it's been taking me a while to get through it, despite its slim figure. So far they have not explained how to think of a good plot, which is discouraging. I have a feeling my book will be called No Vember? No Plot.

Rant: Facebook

Have you ever noticed that every single food ever mentioned or pictured on Facebook is described as "yummy?" Always.
Recent (unrelated) examples:

(please note: 3 people cared)

Friendly Fire

We saw last week's copy of AHLAN! and wondered what they meant by "using their kids as weapons!"

Are they, like, hitting each other, holding the girls by the feet?

Maybe they are fencing, or playing lightsabers: en garde!

They wouldn't stuff the kid in a canon, would they?

Pull Over!

Faux Francais

QBS Radio has been the bane of my existance until now. QBS does not have a proper website so I will explain here that 30% of daily programming is in French. That has made for some fun times in the car on the way home from work. I have taken some notes of things that Dave has said in response to the French RJ:

C'est un marrionade.

Ce n'est pas un cheval; c'est un soixante!

and my favourite:

C'est un "onh onh!" c'est un "eeee eeee!"

I Did Mention It, But

10:24 AMMufxrd, Jennifer
what is it
tell me what it is
10:24 AMMugfxrd, David

10:24 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
you have to discuss major purchases with your wife
10:25 AMMugfxrd, David
?
10:25 AMMugfxrd, David
Sigh
ok
There's a phone
i kind of won an auction on ebay

10:38 AMMugfxrd, David
I love you, though
10:38 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
and we need to have a talk about this
10:39 AMMugfxrd, David
ok
10:39 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
because you can't just buy whatever you want
10:39 AMMugfxrd, David
you're right
10:39 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
and then say "I love you"
10:39 AMMugfxrd, David
but I do
10:39 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
you need to discuss big purchases with me
10:39 AMMugfxrd, David
i mentioned it last night
10:40 AMMugfxrd, Jennifer
no we did not mention anything about phones last night
we weren't even looking at phones or anything
you *have* a phone
10:40 AMMugfxrd, David
I did, but in all honesty, i knew you didn't hear it
10:40 AMMugfxrd, David
because you were asleep

Toni Marie Met Me

So I'm at Smart Set and the lady asks me if I have a Smart Set card. No? Do I want a Smart Set card?
I cut her off. I live abroad, I tell her.
You're the second person today to visit us from abroad. The first lady was English. Where do you live?
Qatar, I tell her.
Teacher, are you?
I've been there, pipes the customer at the other till.
It's Toni Marie.
I was visiting a friend. I loved it. I had an abbaya and everything.
That's cool, I tell her.
The cashier asks me for my autograph.
Later, on TV, I see Toni Marie wearing the yellow Smart Set top on the TV.

What's the Name That Um, Titanic Song?

If you've ever wondered what ever happened to the good-old fashioned love ballad then The Search Is Over*: it's alive and well in the Gulf.

At the liquor store on Monday we heard: **
Careless Whisper
I Want To Know What Love Is
Lady In Red
How Am I Supposed To Live Without You

on the way home from the liquor store:
True - Spandeau Ballet!!!
Time After Time
I Want To Know What Love Is (for reals?)
Missing You

Then, yesterday, on the way to work we heard:
That's The Way Is *** (just the beginning of a day full of Celine Dion)

at the LuLu Hypermarket:
My Heart Will Go On
Beautiful (Christina Aguilera)
It's All Coming Back To Me Now
Beautiful (James Blunt)

at dinner at Pizza Express:
Careless Whisper
Power of Love
Time After Time
My Heart Will Go On

* heard in Bennigans on Monday
** included, but not limited to
*** Dave sang along

How To Procure A Pizza

So Dad wanted to throw a party in honour of Dave's and my anniversary * and [Peter and Sarah]'s engagement. He called to tell me that he was sure there would be enough food, as he was cooking two football hams, and if we need more food, we could get a pizza.

There is a pizzeria opposite our house in Bay Roberts called Big Bite Pizza, run by a Lebanese guy, Jean Madi, who set up shop there about 15 years ago.

Dad continues. "I went over to see Jean and asked him about getting a pizza. He said it was no problem, and that if we need one we should just call over a few minutes beforehand and he can have the pizza all ready."

It's 2009 and Dad finally figured out how to order a pizza.

*awkward wording, but I think that's correct

Dreams

Dave slept on the couch last night. When he woke up I already downstairs in my pajamas on the computer.

"I had a weird dream," he said. "This chicken leg just showed UP!"